I can’t understand why my mind has been so deeply affected by the death of poor Robin Williams, but I found myself mourning the loss of this man whom I’ve never met, and never considered myself a very *big* fan, per se. Somehow, though, the world just seems so much darker, sadder, to think that even a light as bright as his, could not find this world inhabitable any longer. I broke inside, for a world so doomed and desperate that even the brightest stars just…fizzle.
But maybe it’s not the world’s fault. Maybe it was Robin’s own head that was too dark to live in anymore. What are we, after all, but the sum of ourselves? What are we but our own egos? No matter how many life boats there are, sometimes none of them are strong enough to save us from drowning in despair. For no reason! Oh, it breaks my heart — and I’m certainly not the first to say it, but it shatters me that such a soul, such a blessed and beautiful soul, must have wrestled with such terrible demons. And why? Why?????? If Karma is real, if there is justice and sensibility in the universe, then a person who gave so much laughter to so many people should have been BLESSED, both inside and out! But all the money and success in the world could not have saved him from himself! Why??? It’s one of those things that makes you want to scream at the sky, THIS IS NOT FAIR!!
It’s as if he was only lent to us by the gods, for a short season, to help ease the dismal pain of the world. And maybe he knew he didn’t belong here, maybe that’s why he struggled so much. Maybe that’s what depression is — the deep and inescapable knowledge that your time here is borrowed, and your fleeting purpose may not stand the test of time.
It’s only one of many, many things in the world that simply don’t make sense. And it makes me so, so sad.
Be good to each other, people. Don’t let a moment go by without letting the people you love know unshakably that you love them.
That said, I’m going to go down and have dinner with my husband.